Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
