he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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