erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
