i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
