My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
