you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
