My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
