I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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