so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
