I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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