I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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