Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
