my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
