I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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