she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
