We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
