By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
whose parrot is this?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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