What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
