I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
