I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
