There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
