My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
