i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
