you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
