Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
