is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
