then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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