I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
