you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just cropdusted the office
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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