I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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