she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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