she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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