hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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