Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
