That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
