I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
