Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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