just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
