jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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