Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
