it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found the puke drawer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
