i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
