Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
