oh god the rape fog is back!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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