Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
