Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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