If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
