My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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