I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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