is your mom at the bar?
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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