she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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