You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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